The Election Skit

The cast:

REPUBLICAN LOBBYIST John Cleese

WHITE HOUSE CABINET MEMBER Michael Palin

The sketch:

A Republican lobbyist enters a White House cabinet member's office.

Republican Lobbyist: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The cabinet member does not respond.)

Republican Lobbyist: 'Ello, Miss?

Cabinet Member: What do you mean "miss"?

RL: (pause)I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

CM: We're closin' for lunch.

RL: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about the election what was conducted in this country not 3 months ago.

CM: Oh yes, the, uh, the Donald Trump Victory ... What's, uh ... What's wrong with it?

RL: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's lost, that's what's wrong with it!

CM: No, no, there's uh, ... election fraud.

RL: Look, matey, I know a defeated candidate when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

CM: No no he's not a loser, he's, he's been cheated! Remarkable man, Donald Trump, idn'e, ay? Beautiful plumage!

RL: The plumage don't enter into it. E’ lost.

CM: Nononono, no, no! 'E's been cheated!

RL: All right then, if he's been cheated, We'll look at the evidence! (Pulls out a stack of legal judgments) 'Ello, legal investigations! I’ve got a second term in here if you ... (cabinet member jams a few of computer printouts into the stack of legal filings)

CM: Look! There, evidence of fraud!

RL: No, this isn't. This is a bunch of retweets of the president’s lies!

CM: He never!!

RL: Yes, he does!

CM: he never, never lied about anything ...

RL: (Puts printouts aside. Increasingly frantic paging through the briefings) No voter fraud! No voter fraud! No election tampering! No voter fraud! No evidence of error! Triple checked election results! No voting irregularities! No evidence of misconduct! No reason to question the election results!

(Throws legal briefs up in the air and watches them drift to the floor.)

RL: Now that's what I call a lost election.

CM: No, no.....No, it's rushed!

RL: RUSHED?!?

CM: Yeah! They’re rushing the election process, just as we’re finding all this evidence of corruption! Election corruption’s easy to hide, major.

RL: Um ... now look ... now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. This election is definitely lost, and when Fox News called the election for Biden on November 7th, you assured me that this total lack of victory was due to his bein’ the people’s president and the mainstream media hating him.

CM: Well, they let too many citizens vote in this election.

RL: TOO MANY CITIZENS VOTED?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, If we’re accusing them of rushing the election, why did Trump declare victory before all the votes were counted?

CM: President Trump likes declaring victory! Remarkable man, Trump. Lovely plumage!

RL: Look, I took the liberty of examining these election results and fraud accusations, and I discovered the only reason anyone thinks Donald Trump won is LIES we told in the first place.

(pause)

CM: Well, o'course we lied about some things, If we hadn't lied, he couldn’t have declared victory. Donald Trump likes declaring victory.

RL: "VICTORY"?!? Mate, he couldn’t win if you changed 11,780 votes in Georgia! 'E's bleedin' lost!

CM: No no! 'E's wining!

RL: 'E's not winin'! 'E's whinin'! 'E's lost! This campaign is no more! 'E didn’t get the votes! 'E's “Lost to the worst democratic presidential candidate ever”! There's no evidence of fraud! 'E's found 2, count them 2, dead people who voted! This election is 'istory! If we weren’t constantly squealing how fraudulent this election was, the country would be prepared for th’ peaceful transition of power they’ve had for the last 44 presidents! 'E's off his twig! 'E's done abusing his executive privilege!! HE IS AN EX-PRESIDENT!!

(pause)

CM: Well, we'd better replace him, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the desk) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of Presidents.

RL: I see. I see, I get the picture.

CM: (pause) I got a congress.

(pause)

RL: Can it make abortion illegal?

CM: Yes.

RL: Right, I’ll take it!

• This sketch is released to the public domain. I've done all I can with it. If you can do more with it, feel free.

Problem with Data-Diff

I love Data::Dump. It's my version of noSQL. I can see the data using a text editor and $data = do($filename) to load the data structure into $data.

I have a large data structure/file that has an array of hashes in it. I manage version of the file with git. I want to be able to see what change from version to version of this structure/file. Basic file comparison tools work on the file, but I want to compare the data structures in Perl. I thought the Data::Diff module would do what I want. The problem is that Data::Diff doesn't notice re-ordering items in an array!
For example:

use warnings;
use strict;
use Test::More tests => 1;
use Data::Diff qw(Diff);

is_deeply( Diff( [1,2], [1,2] ),
           Diff( [1,2], [2,1] ),
           "Should fail: 1st does not reorder elemnts, 2nd does." );

So, I'm working on my own data structure comparison module.

I want tidier difference structures. I want to be able to patch, invert patches and combine patches. We'll see if it works out.

Trying out SyntaxHighlighter

I'm trying out SyntaxHighlighter. Let's try it with some Perl Code:

use warnings
use strict

sub main {
  # your code goes here
}

main( @ARGV );

The directions at http://www.cyberack.com/2007/07/adding-syntax-highlighter-to-blogger.html seemed to work.

I can't figure out how to get the script tag to work, but I don't plan on posting much HTML, so I'm just going to go with pre. Also, the toolbar, and line highlighting disappeared in version 3.

Now I should publish some of my Perl ramblings.

John getting down with his bad self on the drums

Hey John!
Give me a beat!

Love the smile!

Plan 6 From Nowhere

"What is that?"

This question starts an adventure leading to mortal conflict with the fate of the world in the balance.


Plan 6 From Nowhere from Peter Wilson on Vimeo.

Once I learned how to play with iMovie for John's Amazing Grace video I wanted to do something a little more involved.

Well here it is. Enjoy, and let me know what you think. Do you want to see more Wilson family theater? (Yes, I'm fishing for encouragement.)

Logical Irony

  Al: You act as if the rules do not apply to you.
Kurt: The rules don't apply to anyone.
  Al: WHAT!
Kurt: Do the rules apply to you?
  Al: Well ... 
Kurt: No. The rules don't apply to anyone.
  Al: That's ridiculous! The rules apply to everyone.
Kurt: That's true.
  Al: But, you just said the rules don't apply to anyone.
Kurt: That's true.
  Al: But, that doesn't make any sense!
Kurt: No, but it is true.

Amazing John

John just learned to sing Amazing Grace. Enjoy!


John sings Amazing Grace from Peter Wilson on Vimeo.

The lyrics:
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That sav’d already come (a wretch like me!)
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Twas grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace ... when we've begun (will lead me home).
... home

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining like the sun,
We've no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when WE FIRST BEGUUUUUN!